


When You See Something That You Maybe Shouldn’t Have It’s Better If You Keep It To Yourself Instead Of Gossiping Around About It!

by Sweetysweetssugarytreats



Category: Gintama
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Crack Treated Seriously, Developing Relationship, Fluff and Crack, M/M, Unreliable Narrator
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-06
Updated: 2019-09-18
Packaged: 2020-02-26 22:30:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18726142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sweetysweetssugarytreats/pseuds/Sweetysweetssugarytreats
Summary: A series of snippets that show how the relationship between Gintoki and Hijikata comes to be from the eyes of an unusual spectator, the second madao of Gintama.





	1. What Happens On Benches Stays On Benches

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to include the second official madao of Gintama for a while now in my stories and then three days ago I had this idea after seeing a few authors do the same with their otp through another character's eyes, so I said to myself 'why not?'  
> For some reason I really like this madao and I find him so funny I don't even know why!

 

Life is strange.

This is what a homeless and common madao with uncommon big, round glasses and an orange cap that sticks out wherever he goes thinks as he walks through the familiar park he has been living on for the past few months.

Musashi, the old man, is a little strange himself too. For example he lost his memories a few years ago and doesn't remember who he was anymore, if he used to be rich or poor, if he had a family or enjoyed life as a bachelor, if he liked better plain rice or rolled eggs. But what he knows now is that if he has something to eat for the day then he is happy.

Yes, life is definitely strange muses Musashi as he sits on a bench and thinks about life and its connections to everything revolving it.

But what is more strange is that two men, in appearance completely different from each other, have been sitting on the same bench on more than a few occasions. And what they usually do is…

Bicker.

"Oh? I see tax-thieves enjoy spending time relaxing on a sunny day even if they should have a guilty conscience with all the money they steal from nice, hard-working people." The man with silver hair grunts.

He is usually the one to begin the conversation first, Musashi has noticed, and there is always a hint of passive-aggressiveness in his tone that turns to full-on aggression for both of them once their talk has ended.

"Tch. The only ones who should have a guilty conscience are slackers who do nothing but mooch over nice, hard-working people's money for their selfish reasons and still have a big enough mouth to complain about useless things." The man clad in black, as always, answers with the same fervor the first began with.

He is usually the one who speaks if spoken to, Musashi has noticed, but always rises to the bait even if he tries to smoke his annoyance away. He is almost always the first to lose his cool, even though the other man follows right after him.

"There are also people who like to blabber all day about other poor people who try to humbly live through their life but can't when others keep stepping on them, so those should have a guilty conscience." The one with silver hair adds, his indignation can be seen from the way he is driving a pinkie to his ear as if he is crushing something that never stops bugging him.

The man in black crushes the cigarette between his lips and with a vein starting to pulse in his temple grits out. "And what about people who keep spouting nonsense all day thinking that they can fool everyone and keep living like leeches while other people are out and doing their job for them! Shouldn't those have a guilty conscience, huh?"

"And what about people who are living in luxury when there are other people who can't even buy ten parfaits a day cause they can't afford it, eh! Shouldn't those have a guilty conscience?!"

"And what about people who keep getting in trouble and have no idea what common sense even is and make nice people have to clean up their messes for them! Shouldn't those have a guilty conscience huh?!"

They get up in each other's faces, trying to intimidate their adversary, but the result is only more irritation from both parts.

"Are you talking about someone you know?!"

"Are you talking about someone  _you_  know?!"

And just like this they keep… bickering, for lack of a better word to describe it. It happens every time they meet each other.

But they come back to the same bench.

If not the next day, it is the day after, or even the week following that, and the passive-aggressive conversation starts anew.

Maybe they do it because they are both lonely, or maybe because they are bored, maybe even because they want a friend. Musashi doesn't know the reason as to why the two apparently different men with anger issues caused mostly by their foolishness keep on meeting.

But what the madao finds strange is that as they are leaving, at times, both men are wearing a little smile on their faces.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By the way... HAPPY (late) BIRTHDAY TO OUR SPECIAL VICE-COMMANDER HIJIKATA WHO WAS DEFINITELY SPOILED BY GIN ON SUCH A JOYOUS OCCASION!


	2. Never Buy A Famous Taco If You Don't Want To Fall Victim To The Curse Of The Fallen Pants!

 

The next time Musashi sees the two men is at the public restroom.

That day the queue at the bathroom is terribly long because there is a stomachache spreading around. The cause for that is…

Tacos.

He thinks that, for once in his life, he is grateful to not be able to afford one of those tacos from the truck that arrived a few hours ago at the park and already made a fortune. A fortune that did not last long, he watches the increasingly suffering faces of the people waiting for their turn at the public bathroom.

Musashi, instead, is humming a song to himself that he does not remember the words of, patiently waiting in line since he has to simply go for his mostly normal bowel movement rather than the battles he even hears war cries from taking place in people's stomachs.

Surprise, surprise, it seems the two men have fallen victims to the curse of the bad tacos too.

They are waiting in line with all the other unfortunate souls, screaming, kicking, pushing and jumping on one foot with a thumb pressed in the opposite ear because someone said that it makes the stomachache (or the need to take a giant dump) go away. And of course everyone believes it, going with the flow and looking like a bunch of kids trying to play, and fail, at stupid games.

While he is humming Musashi is also paying attention to what is going on around him because, once again, this is one of the only means of entertainment he has. And someone else in the crowd has already come up with another ridiculous theory, of course.

"It is said that if you eat one of those tacos your pants are going to fall down!" Someone announces it in the same way he would a terrible event that is going to happen shortly. "It's the curse! The curse… of the fallen pants!"

Some people gasp, holding tightly to their pants. Others snort, not believing a word. And someone is trying to rationalize.

"Wouldn't that happen since your stomach is full and the muscles are straining against your clothes?" A boy from the crowd explains his own theory. "And because of that your belt might loosen up? Or, worst case scenario, the button comes off and the pants… fall down?"

The guy who talked about the 'curse' scoffs at him in disdain. "Oh, shut up you 'rational' people. Next thing you know you're going to say that ghosts don't exist."

"But they don't-"

"This world doesn't need your 'rationalization' so go away!"

Meanwhile, the two men that are unaware of the curse, are trying to cut in line, especially cut each other off.

"Move! I have to go first!" The one with silver curls grumbles as he accidentally slaps someone in the face while he has an elbow jabbing him on his cheek.

"No!  _I_ have to go first!" The man with dark hair fires back, trying to get someone's hands out of his hair and stepping on someone else's foot.

There is a general chaos spreading around, increasing in volume and strength because of the two men jumping in line, encouraging everyone to imitate them until it becomes a mess. And until… an enemy appears.

No, it's not an enemy. It's just Hedoro!

But he looks scary to them.

And it really comes as no surprise when it only takes Hedoro turning around for the crowd to open up like water, then everyone literally freezes in place.

"H-He was the one to jump the line first!" The samurai with silver hair speaks first, even if no one prompted him to do so, and points to his companion of disadventures with an expression that Musashi thinks of as poorly concealed fear of Hedoro.

"T-That's not true! And he punched a man to get here!" The one with raven hair points back at him, the same fear of Hedoro shines in his eyes.

Musashi doesn't understand why people seem so scared of the giant, green amanto, to be honest. Hedoro is a kind man, well, alien. Sometimes he even stops by at the park with some food and sits with him and Hasegawa to talk about life in general, and his plants.

"Ladies, gentlemen." Hedoro begins in his low, deep voice that is more of a polite attempt at keeping order but sounds more like an angry growl, sending people into an even more frenzied silence as they are trembling in place. "We are all adults here, we should be capable of respecting the rules."

"O-O-Of course H-Hedoro-San!" The crowd stutters as one.

Hedoro nods, gifting the people with one of his…  _smiles_.

The guy from before faints.

Sadly he doesn't make it to the restroom.

 

One moment of silence… for his fallen pants.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

After Musashi's turn arrived, and when he finishes his business, he makes sure to clean his hands thoroughly in the sink, grateful that this public bathroom does have soap that actually gets replenished regularly.

While doing so Musashi keeps hearing the screaming men behind him.

The two have finally gotten around to their turn too, it seems. The problem is that when they rushed over to it the stall was, well… the only unoccupied one.

"I should go first!"

"No! I'm the one who has to go first!"

And they are not letting up, trying to push each other out of the way to get in first.

"Ow!"

"Oi!"

There is even some biting involved. It seems they are desperate.

So desperate that they both end up in the same stall. They don't even notice that the door closes behind them.

There is some noise coming from inside, as if they are stopping each other from doing… something.

"Stop! I'm the one who- oi!"

"Shut up! I'm a citizen and I have the priority!"

"I protect the law so I have double the priority!"

"I protect the law too!"

"Hah?! What kind of law!?"

"My own law!"

"Stop being so foolish!"

"What did you just say?!"

Now there is rustling and weirder sounds, almost skin on skin, as if they are slapping each other. Musashi wonders if the whole ordeal is worth slapping someone for, but on the other hand he has never been hit by a cursed taco, so he would not know.

All of a sudden there is a clear tingle in the air that breaks over their irritated voices, something falling over.

And then there is silence.

Musashi doesn't know what is happening, but not even a single fly can be heard for more than several seconds.

There is another abrupt noise, something that sounds like it is being zipped up.

Both men immediately come out from the stall, and even if they are trying to hide it with their heads held low, their red faces would put the ripest tomatoes to shame.

Musashi is not sure about what happened in that stall, but he is sure of one thing. Whatever they have seen is something that they should not have, if the embarrassment written all over them means something.

Like a little lamp turning on above his head he has a realization. Maybe it was…

The curse of the fallen pants!

Hm, he should probably write a story about it.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> …they saw each other… without pants… *le gasp*
> 
>  
> 
> Hedoro is a sweetheart okay? Okay.
> 
> I also like to imagine the boy who gets yelled at is Yamazaki. Don't get me wrong, I love Yamazaki… he just gets yelled at a lot.


	3. One Dango A Day Keeps The Doctor Away (Or Unspoken Laws And Unspoken Words)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just another short, silly chapter.

 

Musashi is eating some of the most delicious dangos he has ever had in his life.

Near the park he is usually in there is sometimes a flood of vendors that sell delicious food in yellow colored stalls, this time it's the turn of sweet dangos it seems.

To his surprise he was offered some too, three for free actually, and of course he decides to bite the opportunity right when it comes around. Literally.

Because one dango a day keeps the doctor away.

Or at least that's what Musashi had heard from some kids. And kids always tell the truth, so you should trust them, right?

He wants to know whoever said that heaven is unreachable? Just three chewy, doughy mochi on a bamboo skewer and life becomes sweeter and more delicious.

Just as Musashi is finishing the last bits, accompanying his meal with a lukewarm cup of green tea, he notices them.

He is surprised to see the men here, again.

They are, once more, across from him and it seems the two are engaging in what Musashi thinks is one of their favorite activities by now.

Bickering.

"This is my bench!" The man with silver curls declares as he tries to sprawl on the bench to keep it for himself. It doesn't work since they are both already sitting on it.

The one with dark hair scoffs disdainfully. "Does it have your name on it?"

"No and it doesn't need to." The other crosses his arms with an air of complacency. "It's like the law. Unspoken but everyone still knows about it."

The man in uniform mirrors him. "More like crime. Even though it's a surefire way to jail stupid people keep committing the same mistakes."

The samurai with silver hair gasps outrageously. "Did you just compare my bench to idiots who commit petty crimes? Oi, oi, take back what you said!"

"This isn't your bench and you can't tell me what to do!"

"Yes it is! Gin-San's bottom and this nice bench have been through some crazy adventures together and now I want to eat my dangos in peace so shooo!"

"What the hell are you even talking about!?"

They continue like this for a while, ignoring the rest of the world and seemingly falling into their own.

The curly man is not even paying attention to the way he is carelessly waving the stick holding the delicious globes of doughy mochi in his hand.

And that proves to be a fatal mistake on his part.

Because the dangos fall inexorably to the ground, like victims who could not be saved from the wrath of…  _gravity._

What is more, the park is mingling with kids that day, and a few of them obliviously run over the befallen sweets, trampling over what is left of them.

Another hit to the samurai's heart.

"Agh! Are you kidding me?! I waited all day just to eat dango!" The man cries as he tugs at his silver hair, almost falling to his knees at the display of his fallen treasure, desperation and denial coming off of him in waves.

Musashi feels bad for him too, what a waste of a delicious treat.

After a few moments of unbridled silence the samurai sits on the bench again, this time with his head bent down low and his shoulders sagging hopelessly in what is the most depressing sight Musashi has probably ever seen. Surely it will take a while for even the strongest men to recover from such a loss.

The next action comes so unexpectedly Musashi chokes on his tea when he sees it. And here he thought they might have been enemies with how much they seem to dislike each other, but that right there is certainly not something you would do for someone you hate.

"Here." The man in uniform states quietly.

The other raises his head abruptly when he sees the treat in front of him and turns in shock at the other, who is holding out his own dangos for him to take.

"…what-"

"This is too sweet for me."

The unspoken  _law_  here is: 'It's clear how much you really like dangos so you can have mine if you want them.'

Musashi thinks it's kind of the man to offer his portion, he himself would have definitely not given his sweet treat to anyone else. And something tells him the one with silver curls would also hold to his sweet possessions tightly, so this gesture should mean more to him.

And he  _is_  right because there is a change in him, Musashi can see it even from where he is perched on the opposite bench.

Slowly, he reaches with his hand for the chewy mochi and it's almost hesitant the way his fingertips close around the end of the stick. His expression is still hidden from curly tufts of hair, but there is evident gratefulness in the way he is simply nodding his head.

The other samurai nods too and turns away.

There is silence hanging over them now, but not the heavy kind, on the contrary it is quite companionable.

They are not bickering anymore.

What an outsider would see is simply two men comfortably sitting next to each other and basking in the afternoon sunlight, no need for words to express themselves.

What you should take in consideration when you are outside, however, is that there are always other people around you. And not only people.

The first sign comes from a bark, a faint sound that registers a little too late.

The next bark is louder, making Musashi look behind him to see a dog. One white, humongous dog. But it seems he is the only one to notice, the samurai are still clueless, maybe lost in their own thoughts.

Musashi has enough mind to lie down and avoid being crushed as the dog jumps over the bench he is on.

But the two men never noticed the giant dog running towards them soon enough.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

The bench breaks, but it's not the only thing to.

The scream and the resulting crack will remain in people's memory for days to come.

 

Maybe one dango is not enough to keep the doctor away after all.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sadaharu just wants to play (and eat Gintoki's dangos) xD
> 
> I'd already written something similar in my main story, but I just really like the idea of Hijikata giving something sweet he was supposed to eat to Gintoki. And I think it's so kind of him because I would definitely never give up on chocolate for anyone, no matter who it is.


	4. People 'Get Off' More Often If They Have Broken Bones

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a short one this time. It takes place 24 hours after the previous chapter!

 

This might just be the first 'direct confrontation' he has with the two samurai.

Musashi has spent the previous half hour in the waiting room at a hospital. No, there's nothing wrong with him, this is just one of the hospitals that has a health care service program in which they provide free medical check-ups, so of course he has to take the chance when he can, after all he loves free things of any kind. And as he always says 'a visit to the doctor a day is always better than cracking a bone today'… actually he has never ever said that, but speaking of cracked bones-

_"This is all your fault!"_

Musashi hears voices from down the adjoining hallway to the waiting room that sound almost familiar.

Seeing as the nurse at the front station is busy with a phone-call and since curiosity has never killed the cat before – at least he thinks that's how the saying goes - he decides to sneakily make his way down the hall where a few rooms are and check out just what this commotion is.

To his surprise he actually finds the two samurai he has been seeing often lately.

And to think the last time he saw the two was only the day before. The biggest difference is that now they both have slings over one of their arms. Musashi swears he can still hear the crack of the bones when the giant dog leaped into their laps, it was quite the spectacle and the talk of the park.

But what is more curious is that he finds them in an… interesting position.

They are seemingly engaged in a wrestling match, on one of the beds, with the hospital gowns… not doing exactly a great job at  _c_ _overing_ them up _._  But they don't seem to care much since the man with silver hair is trying to get on top of the other and rip his hair off while the dark-haired man is trying to kick him off and choke him at the same time.

Oh, and they are also talking about getting off.

…No, not that kind of getting off, you people.

But this kind.

"Get off!"

"You get off!"

"But I asked first!"

"And I asked second!"

"Since you asked second it doesn't make sense that I'd comply first to your request!"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"I don't care! You do it first!"

"You're such an idiot!"

There is more manhandling for a dozen more seconds, then a loud t _hud,_ followed by a louder  _crack,_  and suddenly the vase that was on a small nightstand next to them is on the floor, shattered.

"Look what you did you moron!"

"Me?! Who's the one throwing his arm around?!"

"I'll throw hands too if you don't-"

It's almost funny how they pause at the same time – one of the things Musashi has noticed is actually how they seem to mirror each other at times, he had once heard something about people who tend to spend a long time together do also tend to copy each other's behaviour unconsciously, but who knows?- and slowly they both turn their heads towards the door.

It is only then that they notice him.

"…"

"…"

"…"

After half a minute of seemingly studying him, the situation they are in sinks into their heads and their eyes widen, at the same time, and they start spluttering, at the same time, and they try to walk all over each other to get to him and explain the situation, at the same time, but they fail and fall on their butts.

"W-Wait!"

"I-It's not what it looks like!"

Musashi blinks behind his round glasses, then speaks. "It looks like you had an argument that led to trying to kill each other that led to accidentally breaking a vase."

"…Oh." The one with lighter hair exchanges a glance with the one with darker hair and bops his head in a nod. "Then it's exactly what it looks like."

"…"

"…"

"…"

Musashi nods to himself. "I will leave you to your 'getting off' then."

At first the two samurai nod, too. And turn to each other. Then panic once the words sink in, again.

"W-Wait! Why do I feel like he's still misunderstanding! Hey!"

"This is not what it looks like! I-It's really not what it looks like! Oi!"

"N-No one's getting off here!"

"Will you stop saying it like that!"

"And how else am I supposed to say it?!"

"Why are you asking me that?!"

"Who else should I ask?!"

They get into another wrestling match and not even a minute later the noise of another vase breaking echoes in the room.

But Musashi has already made his way far into the waiting room, letting them sort themselves out. He guesses all sorts of things tend to happen in hospitals.

At least these two will keep each other company.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. I had a very sweet milkshake that had a just a tiny bit of alcohol in it and I think I may be just the tiniest bit drunk right now? So sorry for this, I'll fix it up once my head clears lol, but I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for not updating this (and other stories) in so long, I had some issues with my computer, but now I'm getting back into the swing of things so please expect my annoying fics to make you waste your time from now on!  
> Also sorry for wasting your time with my annoying stories in advance :3


End file.
